The Luxuries We Can't Afford
by Irony'sFriend
Summary: It's Armin's birthday, and Eren and Mikasa are too broken to celebrate. Jean, however, is driven by a sense of guilt, gratitude, and something else to give him a good day.


**a/n: **Since Armin's birthday was on November 3, I wanted to give him a good day, and what better way than with Jean. The ending was inspired by a conversation I had with my friend.

_Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin/Attack on Titan._

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><p>The Luxuries We Can't Afford<p>

Jean hated when his mother sent packages and letters to the training camp. He had barely been gone two weeks before the first parcel arrived filled with orders to take care of himself and freshly knitted socks. While he just barely managed to hide the embarrassing gift before the other trainees could see, Jean knew immediately that he had a tough road ahead of him.

He stuffed new toothbrushes and clean shirts beneath his mattress, and he shredded the letters in the bathrooms when no one else was around. Jean wrote back a few times to explain to his mother that her Jean-bo could not keep so many personal possessions, and despite the fact that there was some truth in this, she only cut her mail back to once a month.

Marco once caught him in the process of burying some of his mother's homemade cookies behind the outhouses, and when Jean sputtered out an explanation, his friend asked, "Why are you going to so much trouble to hide that your mother thinks about you? If anyone makes fun of you, it's only because they wish they had the same."

Which, of course, was exactly why Jean put so much effort into hiding the luxuries he enjoyed. He knew of three trainees in particular who would love to receive letters from their parents, and while none of them would likely make fun of him, Jean didn't want to see their expressions when he tore brown paper away at the breakfast table to reveal yet another new shirt. Not when the others washed the same one over and over again.

Besides, Jean was a soldier now. His mother needed to learn that she could not coddle him now that he trained to become a member of the Military Police.

While this seemed clear to Jean, his mother did not seem to agree with this train of thought. Jean nearly puked when his birthday arrived along with a large package that included not just a new set of pajamas but a small cake in a traveling box as well. Jean had become quite skilled in hiding his parcels from home over the months, but even he could not hide both food and clothing at the same time. Inevitably, the other trainees from the 104th noticed, and Connie was the first to say something.

"Did Johnny boy get himself a present?" the short boy taunted.

"Shut up, it's my birthday," Jean grumbled.

A few other threw taunts his way, but Marco was right. Few gave him a hard time, and the ones who did obviously missed their comfy lives back home. Still, Jean felt the stares from the three trainees from Shiganshina who mostly kept to themselves, and while they offered no taunts, their quiet longing weighed heavier on Jean's shoulder than anything else.

His mother still sent him packages after that, but Jean hid them less and sometimes even ate the food she sent.

Then six months later, Jean noticed something odd at the breakfast table adjacent to his. Eren and Mikasa offered bits of their porridge and toast to Armin, and the blond-haired boy blushed. He tried to return the meager offerings to his friends, but Eren and Mikasa stubbornly refused to take it back.

The whole exchange seemed odd. For one thing food was highly valued in the training camp, and he couldn't imagine why both Eren and Mikasa would give up some of their own precious calories when they likely burned far more than petite Armin.

Jean turned to Marco as he often did in these situations. "Oi, what the hell is going on with Eren and his cult?"

Marco raised an eyebrow at the jab, but when he glanced over at the other table, he nodded in understanding. "I overheard Eren wish Armin happy birthday in the bunks, so I guess that's their version of a present. They probably don't have money for anything else."

His best friend always did have a way of throwing icy water in his face when he inched too close to being a complete asshole.

Jean tried to push the whole scene from his mind. He knew that he lived a luxurious life compared to most of the trainees around him, but Armin always reminded him the most. Mikasa was such a natural in everything she did and Eren was such a jerk that Jean felt no pity toward them. But Armin… Those big blue eyes and that slim figure touched by malnutrition was a walking incarnation of the hard life of the refugees, and Jean could hardly stand to look at him without feeling like the worst person in the world.

Even when he mumbled a happy birthday to the kid between workouts and 3D maneuver gear practice, the gesture didn't seem like enough. Then again, after what Armin went through, what could possibly be enough?

…

A lot happened in a short amount of time for Jean. More birthdays passed. He lost Marco, his one and only best friend. He joined the Survey Corps, the black pit he vowed to avoid at all costs. They all went to hell and back a thousand times over.

Armin saved his life three times. The first when he distracted the female titan. The second when he held his unconscious body and defended him with only a sword against the surrounding titans before Eren called them away. The third when Armin shot the woman who would have shot him.

Jean thanked him, but mere words could not suffice in a situation such as theirs.

Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity of hiding out as fugitives and chasing after Eren, they reached a surreal time of peace. They saved Eren and Krista before the true king could enact whatever heinous ploy he planned, and the public actually started to look to the Survey Corps as heroic leaders rather than rogue criminals.

Sure, they were far from happily ever after. They still knew little about the true nature of the titans, and Reiner, Berthold, and Ymir had not yet shown up again. Nevertheless, they at least managed to catch their breaths and even gained a few days off.

With all the time they had to actually think and linger on topics other than survival, Jean realized that November arrived, and that meant a certain birthday soon approached. While no one told him the exact date, Jean remembered when Eren and Mikasa offered their meager gifts to Armin in the mess hall. The day burned itself in Jean's mind, and a plan formed his brain before he quite realized what he was doing.

Since Erwin revealed the monarchy for the fraud it was, the Survey Corps currently occupied the Military Police bunkers within the innermost wall. Running water, hot food, and soft beds now shined at their fingertips, and they almost didn't know what to do with such luxury. They even only shared two people per room as opposed to piling together like puppies. Jean roomed with Connie since Eren wanted Armin at his side. After what happened during the time when Eren was kidnapped, he seemed more subdued and timid and unfortunately clingy.

On this particular morning Jean crept down the clean hallway to the dormitory the latter two shared and knocked. Unsurprisingly, Armin answered a moment later, and Jean could hear Eren snoring somewhere behind the blond.

"Jean?" Armin questioned.

Jean waved his hand in a gesture for Armin to follow him. "Come on, I want to show you something."

Armin raised one eyebrow, but he didn't question the other's strange behavior. "Give me a moment to get dressed," he requested.

Jean nodded his compliance, and Armin shut the door. Jean tried not to tap his foot as he waited, but the inner struggle was a hard battle. A few minutes later, Armin emerged from the room in civilian clothes and his hair freshly brushed.

"So what do you want me to see?" Armin asked.

Jean almost asked him what he was talking about before he remembered the excuse he gave on a whim. As he started walking down the quiet hallway of the Military Police living quarters, he hummed to himself to buy some time. "Ahh.. Well. Honestly, I just wanted to buy you breakfast or something for your birthday, but I guess I'm not that great at surprises or nice shit."

Jean startled when a chuckle bubbled up from Armin's throat, and he wondered what about what he just said was funny. Did his lack of smoothness amuse the shorter boy?

"You could have just asked instead of stealing me away at dawn," Armin clarified.

Jean supposed that was true, but he didn't want to risk Eren and Mikasa taking away his moment. If either was awake, then Armin would have stayed to dote on their every need, and Jean wanted to avoid that at all costs.

Not for any particular reason, he supposed. But he felt a bit sorry for him, and he did owe the kid. After he saved his life so much recently, Jean thought breakfast on his birthday was the least he could do. Not only that, but that one moment from years ago still weighed on his mind. Even though Armin and his friends' money issues had nothing to do with him, he still felt somehow responsible for his own luxurious birthdays over the years and all the days filled with pleasantries in between.

"All the best pastry places open early," Jean said instead of any of the other.

Armin nodded along as if he believed him though they both knew Armin was too smart to fall for something such as that.

"You don't owe me anything," he muttered after a few moments.

Jean glanced down at the way Armin drew his arms closer to his torso as if physically building a wall around himself. Realizing what he had done, Jean clarified, "Beside the point anyway. We have a few days to not think about dying constantly, and we're in the biggest city we're ever going to see. We even have something to celebrate, so let's look around."

Armin started to get that pensive look that meant he was thinking too hard, so Jean grabbed his arm and pulled. "Come on," he urged.

Jean actually had a bit of money saved from when he briefly received a pay check from the military. While a good portion of it went to supplies when the Survey Corps was on the run, Jean had enough to treat Armin to a tea and muffin from a bakery that thankfully still opened up despite the unsteady times.

Armin took small bites and tiny sips as he and Jean explored the infinite buildings and pathways within the town. Though Jean dreamed of working in the blessed city within Wall Sina, he never realized just how rich everything was. The people wore nicer clothing, and the businesses used machinery those in other districts would never imagine.

However, since all the drama with the king and royal court being revealed as frauds, not many people ventured outside their homes. Jean and Armin almost felt like they had the city to themselves.

Jean worried that Armin felt lonely in the empty atmosphere since Eren had been so distant lately. He couldn't imagine what the other boy went through during the time he was kidnapped, but he seemed changed for it. Eren rarely talked outside of answering questions, and he had to be persuaded to eat. Mikasa spent every waking moment at his side, and between the two's distractions, Jean thought focusing all his attention on Armin for a day might do him some good.

Sure enough, the smaller boy loosened up little by little as the day passed, and he even offered random facts about architecture or ecology depending on where they were in the city. Armin nearly broke an ankle scurrying to peer inside the library, and he ran almost as fast to peek at a museum of history. Of course, as Armin told him, not all of the supposed history was entirely accurate.

All in all, Jean thought his plan was going well, but finally, the unspoken messages between them came to a head when Armin turned to face Jean on their way back to the Military Police headquarters. Homes and small businesses lined the borders of the path, but so few people ventured the roads that they had close to privacy.

"Why?" Armin said.

"Why what?" Jean returned though he had a good idea of what Armin meant.

"Tea, the library, the museum, entertaining me when you know Eren and Mikasa aren't up to it. If this is some misguided sense of gratitude, you needn't have bothered, for I would save any of my teammates if I had the chance." Armin panted slightly by the end of his speech, and Jean didn't quite know how to respond.

"It's not just gratitude," was all he managed at the end of a minute of struggling.

"Then what is it?" Armin demanded before averting his eyes to the ground. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound ungrateful after you've given me such a good birthday."

Armin made to turn around, perhaps to walk back to base and pretend the whole confrontation never happened, but Jean grabbed his arm and pulled him back to face him. "Yes, I'm thankful, and I feel like I owe you for saving my life," Jean admitted.

Armin's expression crumpled, but Jean wouldn't let him pull away until he finished. "But just because I feel that way doesn't make this any less meaningful. It's your birthday, and I wanted to give you a good memory. Is that so bad?"

Jean released his grip from the other boy's arm, but Armin didn't run away like he expected. Jean felt like they were running on stolen time now, and he wondered how much longer they could make this moment last.

"Thank you," Armin muttered. "I mean that."

A sigh of relief almost slipped past Jean's lips. "You're welcome. It feels good to tell you that instead of the other way around," he said honestly. "How old are you now anyway?"

Armin sighed. "Still too young for what we go through."


End file.
